For a little while now I've been reading Penny Red and I was struck by her recent post Gender fucked: what does 'healthy womanhood' look like? The honesty of the post is really important, mainly because she is tackling very difficult subjects that many people feel awkward reading. Other blogs have tackled the gender issues, but nowhere have I found the kind of discussion she opens up about bisexuality.
I am not bisexual and so I can't begin to understand what it's like to be so, but what I do know is how straight and gay people react to bisexual people. During my time at university I was a member of the LGBT. I observed that if you were bisexual and dating someone of the same sex you were welcome and everyone's best friend. However, if you were dating someone of the opposite sex you were slightly outcast. You were of course welcome, because no one would have said that you weren't, but there was a feeling of 'you don't need us anymore, you're one of them now'.
A very close friend of mine and a fellow member of the LGBT had this exact experience when she started seeing a guy (who she is now married to). She stopped coming to events and socialising with the society as she felt people didn't want her there. As a bisexual woman she was unclear of her place. She wasn't straight or gay, but she fitted better into the world of heterosexuality. But she didn't want to leave the world of gay, where she had found a place that for a while she had felt most comfortable.
I find it sad that a lot of gay people can't accept bisexual people. I think they think, 'they have it easy, they have the choice to be part of "normal society"', which is complete bollocks. Bisexuality just has it's own set of issues that people have to work through. Many bisexual people have said that they envy me knowing what I am, which did help me to understand how difficult their own sexuality is to deal with. I also don't think that individuals can answer this, it is part of the subconscious of society. It's just important that we talk about it openly and through discussion attitudes will change.
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Having dated a couple of particularly pretty bisexual girls, I'd have to say I'm a particularly strong advocate for them.
ReplyDeleteI think most coming out stories, including my own, involve a stage of proclamations of being bi, to sort of soften the blow. Almost like a halfway house - I felt as if I could retreat to safety within any given moment, and wouldnt upset too many family members, dangling the carrot of potential production of grandchildren.
Although we may all be more accepted in this day and age, I dont think anyone comes to an acknowledgement of their sexual orientation easily. So I try my hardest to empathise with those that may still feel marginalised by having one foot in both camps (as it were).
When I meet lesbians that have particularly negative views of bisexual girls, I'm also pretty challenging and would go so far as to say combative. It seems to me that their criticisms are built on somewhat crumbley foundations that bi girls are:
*more likely to cheat
*more likely to cheat on you with a guy
*and are demonstrably tainted by the very notion of cock appreciation
In my humble opinion, the counter arguments I trot out time and again are:
*there aren't that many lesbians
*there aren't that many lesbians that are hot, on my wavelength, share the same values and interests & (most significantly) that are actually into me.
* so why narrow your playing field???
Guy or girl, if someone's going to cheat on you, they'll do just that. Have a little more faith why don't you..
I've been more damaged by having exes sleep with exes than finding a previous flame 'going back to the dark side'.
And as for the dreaded penis affiliation, well, I guess Im just comfortable with my sexual prowess (or lack thereof) and adult enough to realise people dont come fresh out the packet when you start dating them and don't necessarily feel the same way as you, even on the fundamental things.